The Right To Bear Nuclear Arms

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My lovely Japanese wife frequently asks me about gun ownership in America. In Japan, it’s difficult, if not impossible, to buy a gun. So when there are incidents of gun violence in America __ and there have been many recently __ she understandably questions the prudence of having so many guns around.

I explain that written in the U.S. Constitution __ specifically the Second Amendment __ is a clause which protects the right of U.S. citizens to possess and use all sorts of guns for a variety of commonly accepted purposes, hunting and self-defense chief among them.

She has several times asked me, “Is it really that easy to buy a gun there?”

I came across this article:  “Amazon ships assault rifle instead of television“.

Apparently it’s not only easy, it’s actually difficult to not buy a gun. This guy just wanted a nicer screen to watch TV and movies and ended up with a full-blown assault weapon.

I got to thinking about the whole thing and came to a surprising conclusion. The rationale for having so many weapons at our itchy fingertips springs from the powerhouse argument contained in this pithy gem of philosophical analysis:

Guns don’t kill people. People kill people!

Since this is irrefutable logic, I began to wonder why it has been applied so narrowly. The truth is, guns are just one form of lethal entertainment. Thanks to the amazing advances in science and technology, there is a cornucopia of devices which fit the legal definition of “arms” as referred to in our Constitution. It seems to me, the legal framework and the rationale would apply equally to nuclear weapons.

Now, narrow interpreters of the Bill of Rights might say:  “There’s nothing in there about the right to bear nuclear arms.”

I say:  “So what? There’s nothing in there excluding them!”

Conservatives argue that government should be about increasing the options of its citizenry, or at least staying out of the way so that all of the options are on the table. Normally, I’m not one to agree with people on the right end of the political spectrum. Grudgingly I admit the wisdom of their arguments here is just too overwhelming.

So let’s go for it! After all . . .

Hand grenades don’t kill people. People kill people!

Stinger missiles don’t kill people.  People kill people!

Cluster bombs don’t kill people. People kill people!

Predator drones don’t kill people. People kill people!

Nerve gas doesn’t kill people. People kill people!

Nuclear weapons don’t kill people. People kill people!

Just think about how much fun we can have if we’re not restricted to only using sawed-off shotguns and assault weapons! It’ll be awesome! Finally, hunters will regain the upper hand from those pesky critters out there who have been outwitting them and managed to keep from being slaughtered into extinction. We’ll show ‘em who’s boss around here!

Understandably there have to be a few controls in place. You can’t just have anybody and everybody driving around with WMDs in the trunk of their SUV or family station wagon. But with some reasonable waiting period and background check, I don’t see why this couldn’t work. Permits could be issued as they now are with handguns . . .

The bearer of this permit, offering appropriate corroborative identification, is entitled to possess and use within applicable limits and restrictions, explosive nuclear devices up to 50 kiloton explosive equivalency, as defined by the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA).


It’s time to claim our rights under the 2nd Amendment of the Constitution and realize the profound wisdom of the founding fathers.

It’s time that we be able to put in that munitions cache which has become the hallmark of a safe and happy American home, all of weaponry available today, including nuclear bombs.

It’s time to assert our constitutionally protected right!

The right to bear nuclear arms.


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