America: Under Attack and Dying

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In response to Nathan Kelley's bitch ass rant about smokers I have decided to publish an article on a far more deadly, and wholly preventable, practice that is killing Americans in record numbers. Yes, folks, I'm talking about stuffing your face until the girth of your ass exceeds the width of your shoulders … I'm talking about ... Fat Ass-itis.

Here are the FACTS:

  1. America is in throes of an obesity epidemic. We now have more of our population grossly overweight and morbidly obese than at any time in our history. Just how bad is it? Well consider this, according to the Center for Disease Control more than 1/3 of all American adults are OBESE. http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/data/adult.html

  2. The number of obese Children has doubled in the last 30 years and the rate now stands at a shocking 18% of Children ages 6 – 11 years old. http://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/obesity/facts.htm

  3. For adolescents the rate for the same time period is also 18% which translates to more than 1/3 of all Children being OBESE. http://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/obesity/facts.htm

Folks, Fat Ass-itis in America is a full blown epidemic and I'm here to raise awareness. In his “Smokers Rights” article Nathan went on at great length about how revolting and disgusting it was to be in the presence of smokers. Let me tell you something, good people, there is NOTHING more revolting and nausea inducing than seeing some sweaty, fat assed, slob stuffed into Spandex. The Spandex makes all the large curd cottage cheese cellulite stand out like mole hills on the open plains. I need not mention the rolls of too gross for words fat giggling against the Spandex trying to break free and bounce about at will. I'm telling you point blank that whenever I have to see some waddling 300 pound plus fatty jammed into clothes three sizes too small I usually just throw up in my mouth and I've had enough of the visual abuse!

Just how bad is it really? Well, according to a study published in “American Journal of Public Health” obesity accounts for 18% of all deaths in Americans between the ages of 40 – 85 … which is more than three times the previously published estimate. http://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20130815/obesitys-death-toll-may-be-much-higher-than-thought

Again, according the CDC, Heart Disease, which is intimately liked to obesity is THE number one killer in America with cancer coming in second. http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/lcod.htm An enlightened nation confronts and conquers the toughest problems first, obviously. Therefore, I respectfully submit that the enemy we should have in our sight picture is Fat Ass-Itis … The War on Fat is on like Donkey Kong!

Here's the War Plan – Task the police with citing anyone more than 30% overweight with “Crimes Against Good Sense”, “Gluttony with Intent to Distribute”, and “Assault with a Disgusting Visual”.

They are to be sentenced to ForcePro's “Camp No Fat Asses Allowed” for an indeterminate length of time. Once their BMI is within normal limits they are to be freed, however, they are on a Fat Watch program for a minimum of one year post release. During this time they will be barred from Thomas Donut & Snack Shop, Dan-O-Donuts & Deli, Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Donut Hole, and Dunkin' Donuts, all ice cream parlors, and the snacks section of all grocery stores. The rehabilitated fat ass will also have to report monthly to a Probation Officer for being weighed in order to insure that “fat creep” does not set in. Those who fail to remain fat free are to be returned to “Camp No Fat Asses Allowed” for a time determined by their no longer a fat ass date times two … twice the normal length of time in order to reinforce the message of "Don't be a goddamned FAT ASS".  Okay, that's the game plan ... discuss among yourselves ...

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