By Toletha J. Dixon
Riya Jordan and her friends are off to the Brazilian jungle after graduation to join a Save the World group. Soon after arriving, some members of the group are killed and the survivors are forced to flee for their lives. To escape, they have to cross a bridge...but instead are trapped between two hopeless situations.
The short story is a lot of back story mixed with the current situation. Maybe in a longer story this would work, but for me, in this story, it didn’t. Not enough tension for the present situation was shown and the back story only added a lot-not always, but a lot-of irrelevant information.
Carlito: 44, former farmer and former drug producer
Riya Jordan: 18, dad dead
Karen Meyers: 18, drives a blue Malibu
Chase Prince: 16
Luis De Sousa: muscular, married
Larry Maverick: 56, president of Salvor O Mundo, tall, slim
And more characters. Too many for this short story. Too many to adequately have development. Stick with one or two. Heck, there were even two jaguars who had names and scenes and internal thoughts. Again, this didn’t work for me.
Typical older teen stuff. Not much dialogue, but okay nonetheless. Tags on dialogue where it’s: said Riya, asked the man, the said and asked should not be capitalized.
Profanity. Tense problems, a couple punctuation and capitalization errors.
The narration was 3rd person distant but every so often the narrator would say ‘you’. As in: If not careful, you could fall in the river. (Not an actual sentence in the book, just an example of the type that showed up).
Otherwise, what didn’t work for me was that the people are trapped on this bridge and there are different scenes of back story. Not much tension with the danger on the bridge.
Here’s something that just didn’t seem believable. This bridge was too dangerous to cross to the far end to get away from the danger because the ropes were unraveling and some of the boards had fallen away. Apparently, though, it was safe enough to hold the weight of several people for what seemed like hours and then also a large feline. A bit of a stretch of the imagination.
36 pages in my epub version, so a quick read.