Some thoughts About Domestic Abuse and Motivation..

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Sorry..I could not pass this one up..this is a Banksy piece of art I think in London. 

 

During the past week, we have heard about Domestic Abuse and seen it blown off by the White House and its not their fault, they didn’t take the time to understand. Actually, I am getting to the point where I ask the people I know.."why are you so surprised, Ive been telling you these things for years?"  Not all men are like that, but they are, by society, raised to be this way to fit in.  Aggressive and forceful, instead of understanding and supportive.  Ive never understood that because you really can do both.  Not all men are abusive and not all women are victims.  But before the conversation begins, it should be understood.

 

 People always think if you are strong you just “walk away”.   It is a huge misconception that only the weak are abused.  What the reality is, is that one person has good intentions and the other for whatever reasons does not.  It takes an extraordinary person to survive abuse, particularly that of a parent or spouse.  

 

Aside from rape which is a felonious crime and entirely different form of abuse on so many levels, Domestic Abuse is at its core insidious.  The same rage, power and control but over time so equal but different.   Insidious is the perfect word for domestic abuse..slow and subtle with intended harmful impact.

 

By this I mean that gradually “victim” is meant to feel it is their fault they are being abused, they did something wrong to anger the abuser.  No matter how much the victim does to “fix” things, the abuser always finds something else “wrong” so the punishment can continue.  Perhaps for a time, the anger subsides and things seem normal, the tension is always there.

 

How do strong women get in this place?  Like rape this is not a crime of what it appears. Rape is NOT a crime of sexual intent it is one of power.  Also too is Domestic abuse, which also often includes sexual abuse to some degree, along with the physical and mental abuse.

 

It depends on how invested you are in the relationship when the first incident occurs, but the first time and usually after that for a time, “it was a mistake”, “an accident”, “something I would never do intentionally”, “Because I love you”.  Because this is what women seek, they forgive. At first, no one knows about this and right after being hit, there is a period of enormous domestic bliss.  Some people call it the “honeymoon phase”.   The victim always has some hope early on.

 

In the meantime, as these thing occur over time, the victims self -esteem is torn down, just a bit at a time. But only brought up by the abuser’s approval. Sometimes this is the only form of abuse in the relationship and nothing physically abusive occurs. It is just as damaging because this is the part from which victims spend years to recover from.

 

There are often children involved, shared finances, and often the victim does not realize how serious this is because the relationship in public is normalized and seems so perfect. The one or two people that might know something want the victim to just leave, endangering them and people around them.

 

Once the victim finally realizes that this is a problem and figures a way out, this is when it gets dangerous for them.  The average victim leaves 7 times before it finally sticks, each time the abuse getting worse. It is very hard to break the cycle of control.  So they finally break the cycle and begin to breathe away from the abuse, can they ?   No..a victim is 70 times more likely to be killed in the first few weeks after leaving an abusive relationship, than at any time during the relationship. Of the women (and children) with prior domestic abuse claims that were murdered in 2017, 55% were killed by “former” partners. It is reported up to 75% of those homicides occur at the point of separation, and 70 % of those are women.(CDC)

 

After they leave however, they gain a strength and knowledge, they are no longer a victim. They are survivors.

 

Now I put off writing this because I get so much flack on here from some of the guys, its easy to see why from some of them. Some not so easy. Sometimes its very unexpected.  Its happened once before today and I stepped away from the site.  I allowed someone to intimidate me into leaving the page, with words.  Because I chose not to be treated badly.  Its not abuse..just intimidation, control, something like words can be used to hurt by the right person who likes that sort of thing.  They say anything to you until they say the “right thing”.  Then they manipulate you with it.   When one thing causes another pain with intention. It is abuse.

 

Everyone does it..like it’s a game.  Except its not. It happens to men as well as women.

 

Sometimes you cant just hide behind not wanting to be treated badly. You actually have to stand up for yourself.   I don’t like battles, Ive had a few and they were not pleasant, things never end well. But you do what you need to do for your kids and get through the years “after”.  

 

Now  I had someone say to me that I was an old bag or whatever..and that I hurt all of the men around me.  I had to step back from that.  I don’t give a shit what any idiot thinks of me..but my family is different.

 

I am a strong person, yes.  Im not a victim, not now and hopefully not ever again. I work with people to make them survivors like myself. However to be in my life, you must be strong, because you have my family and people that interact with the public and sometimes things happen. I grew up around military people and those that do for others.  You have to give of yourself and you have to have your own thing as well.  You must be your own person and yet, be part of a team.  Yeah, all your insult today did was make me appreciate the decent people in my life.    Sure Ive had my battles in life because people hurt me when I was a kid and as I got older I never under stood it was a pattern.  But Im over that now. I see weakness for what it is..

 

You are the weak one because you enjoy hurting others, it makes you feel big.  You don’t speak your mind, at all, you take the words of others and turn it against them. No different than the abusers that kill their victims.  The mindset is the same, just the actions differ.  Slightly higher level of control. Congrats. You will never hurt me..just make me mad.

 

Thanks for today though, you gave me the motivation I needed to finish my article from last week and that was good.

 

For anyone out there who might see this..

To any women/men out there being abused…he will try to kill you, in every way he can, kids, money your physical being.  You must think clearly and find a way out.  Far away if possible. Seek counseling immediately, you are not strong enough on your own.  If it is an emergency, seek out House of Ruth or local womans shelter.  Its not always the best situation and you will want to rush home, but don’t, LISTEN TO THEM.  It might save your life.  I know that single 3 day stay at a House of Ruth changed the trajectory of my life. Whatever you think you did wrong, you most likely didn’t, and even if you robbed a bank, you don’t deserve to be beaten for it. We have laws for those things, eventually for him also, just not right away.  Safety first.   Do what you need to, but get out, while its still an option and you aren’t a statistic.   

 

Comments

wsucram15 Added Feb 13, 2018 - 9:11pm
EABC..thank you for such a wonderful compliment.  I hope you like this one better.  :)
Bill H. Added Feb 13, 2018 - 10:11pm
Great article, Jeanne.
I had a neighbor that was finally arrested a few years back for wife beating. His last episode was hitting his wife over the head with a table lamp. Of course, this was the same guy that would always put down the rest of the neighbors verbally and constantly brag about how fast his Mustang GT was.
I suspect that if Melania (Rapunzel) was allowed to speak, she would also have some stories to tell as well. 
wsucram15 Added Feb 13, 2018 - 10:34pm
She would, BillH.. Ivana did until he bought her off, I remember reading about it years ago.
It amazes me what the human body can endure.  I can remember typing with a broken finger once so no one would notice.  
My ex used to buy me new furniture every time he got mad.  I had these Chrystal lamps that you could put stuff in and i collected Seashells, he broke them every time.  I stopped collecting them and didnt buy chrystal lamps anymore.  He should have noticed when i stopped decorating..I was done. 
He flipped out when my business by some fluke did well, and I bought a car for the business. I had an attorney by then for business stuff and was really smart when it came to money.
Last time he hit me it was with a VCR, we werent  arguing and I was walking IN the door after working.  I turned around and left, he tried to throw me on the ground outside and the typical crappy stuff he did, and i fought back.   My business partner who lived close and her husband came out and stopped him. i spent the night at their house, packed my things and was gone by noon the next day..September 19, 1988.
Michael B. Added Feb 14, 2018 - 12:20am
Jeanne, interesting post. The sad fact is that many people who are abused go on to be abusers themselves, and it's something that transcends all forms of human behavior; rich, poor, white, black, etc, etc. I'm lucky in that I was never sexually abused, but in all other forms in spades...or so it seems. Some of them are pretty comical, like the time I was forced to make a choice between: Guzzle half a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill (is there another one?), or get punched in my face; little did I know, no matter what my choice was, I suffered both penalties! I like to think of such episodes as "character-building", lol. Abuse is abuse, but sometimes I wonder if the usual PC over-protective types are causing more problems than they solve.
George N Romey Added Feb 14, 2018 - 12:41am
Thanks for opening up Jeanne. Walking away is not always easy.  There is often a financial dependence and a feeling that life will spin out of control. We should never second guess one another's hell.
Autumn Cote Added Feb 14, 2018 - 4:51am
Please note, it's against the rules to post more than one article within a 48-hour period.  As always, many thanks for your participation with Writer Beat!
opher goodwin Added Feb 14, 2018 - 5:38am
Jeanne - a very good article that tackles a very difficult subject very lucidly. There are certainly lots of ways to abuse people. Probably the psychological ones are more difficult to see clearly. They are pernicious and every bit as about control as the others.
Bill Added Feb 14, 2018 - 6:33am
There is a misconception here that the domestic violence, rape and abuse problem in the US is largely the fault of straight couples, with the men as the assailants. That's wrong.
 
According to the CDC, domestic violence, rape and abuse is much more prevalent in gay couples than straight:
 
The lifetime prevalence of rape, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner is extremely high in the lesbian, gay and bisexual community with lesbian women (43.8%), gay men (26%), bisexual women (61.1%), and bisexual men (37.3%) reporting experiencing this violence, compared to heterosexual women (35%) and heterosexual men (29%).
CDC Info
wsucram15 Added Feb 14, 2018 - 6:58am
Let me address Autumn first, second article was only put back up for you.  I will take that back down..
wsucram15 Added Feb 14, 2018 - 7:01am
Michael..I have seen both sides, its just ugly. You know women get as angry as men. Some men dont hit women and while they dont do as much physical damage, the emotional damage as in trust, etc...is still there.
wsucram15 Added Feb 14, 2018 - 7:08am
FJ, Im sorry you had to go through that with with your wife or your friend. It seems like you handled both with as much honesty as possible.
Thank you for encouraging your friend to seek help. Thats sometimes a dangerous position to be in with a friend.  I watched a friends son get hit and had to step in, warning that it would be the last free punch he ever got, ever...and lost a very good friend that day. 
But the son came with me...like I said, Ive been working with this for years now.
wsucram15 Added Feb 14, 2018 - 7:11am
Opher..I think the psychological aspect is the most damaging and hardest to recover from.  You've probably heard it said before..wounds heal.  Although, I have to tell you I have seen some permanent physical damage to other women.
wsucram15 Added Feb 14, 2018 - 7:15am
George..there is usually a reliance to one degree or another financial for either one or both partners, then the kids..stuff like that.  My family got involved once and I ended up feeling sorry for him because they were powerful and did the same thing to my father.  Even though he deserved it...it was a weakness of mine until I was around 27 when I walked out on all of it.
wsucram15 Added Feb 14, 2018 - 7:29am
Bill
it is high in the LGBT communities, but I didnt give you the statistics for that, I gave you murder rates.  Which I am sorry is a fact, and they are less than 2% of the population.
The fact that 96.6% of the US population is strait and 51% of them are women and of that 35% are abused by male spouses, then 55% of those that LEAVE in the first weeks or at the time of leaving are murdered, really  shoots what you said to hell right? These are above 18 statistics.
Do you know how many ppl that is? I actually think thats really high, the stats are really about 25% or 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men, but this is reported cases.
Have a good day.
wsucram15 Added Feb 14, 2018 - 8:25am
I apologize Bill I had that incorrect according to CDC,  it is 1in 4 women, 1 in 9 men and 14% of all deaths at time of leaving but 70 % of them are women.  I saw a lower number and had the data incorrect, I knew that number was too high.
That is still 3.9 million a year and of that 14% of them are murdered @ 70% being women.  A guess of maybe 18,000 women in the US, give or take. 
 
wsucram15 Added Feb 14, 2018 - 8:50am
Also Mike..that answer comes with a question, what happens when you ignore a problem? I know the answer to this, I  lived it. So what happens is people then counter act that thing with sensitivity. The opposite thing.
What you are seeing now is total rebellion, not PC. Ive never seen anything like it. 
 
I just wrote this because of the current WH thing over Porter among the multitude of other crap with abuses going on..not just here.  But its not a shock..
I cant believe people are so stunned, what no one in politics ever abused a women..sure thing.  Opher just wrote an article about women having to fight for the right to vote..do you have any idea what those women went through?  How they were tortured, by politicians and police?
 
You guys who dont abuse women have got to stop sticking upi for the ones who do..its got to stop.  Women are pissed.
opher goodwin Added Feb 14, 2018 - 10:37am
Women are pissed and rightly so. Men do need to stand up and say loudly that it is not right.
But it is also down to women to stand up and be counted. They are as much to blame for FGM and forcing women into burqas and hijabs as anyone else. They need to unite and demand equal rights instead of helping perpetuate inequality and misogyny.
Dino Manalis Added Feb 14, 2018 - 12:45pm
Domestic abuse is terrible, people need social services and jobs, while  their children experience lifelong mental problems!  Women should be trained in self-defense and may want to carry concealed firearms.  Stop the abuse to save the family!
Dave Volek Added Feb 14, 2018 - 12:55pm
It is amazing the control an abuser has over the victim. Walking away is difficult.
 
On a different note, there is also power relationship when a sexual advance made and rejected. The man still holds something over the woman, even though they may work together for years.
Flying Junior Added Feb 14, 2018 - 1:41pm
You are the weak one because you enjoy hurting others, it makes you feel big.  You don’t speak your mind, at all, you take the words of others and turn it against them.
 
Truth.
 
My story is about my first love.  When my sister graduated from the Bishop's School in La Jolla in June of 1974, I saw on the manicured grounds a vision of loveliness worthy to inspire any English poet.  (I have seen young English girls in London.)  She seemed to be dancing among groups of children.  She was only fourteen years old.  Unrelated, I chose to attend  Jolla High School even when the Bishop's School became then the Bishop's Schools a year later, to be amongst normal middle class folks.  I never forgot that magical day.
 
One blessed morning when my musical and not-so-musical friends were enjoying another second period conveniently across the street from the guitar class room, strumming our guitars and, much to my surprise, defining the advent of Sin Semilla in Southern California, my best buddy introduced me to his fifteen-year-old girlfriend.  She must have been cutting class.  She was a little bit wild.
 
I just stood there like an idiot, barely able to speak.  She did smile at me.  There is such a thing as instant recognition.  I was smitten.  Peter understood.  It didn't take him long to be over Debra,  He never made fun of me for my unrequited love.  It was so genuine it actually earned me a modicum of respect.
 
Fast forward eight years or so.  I was her best friend.  We hung out.  I spent more time with her than anyone else alive.  I loved her desperately.  But I was okay with just being her friend instead of being a boyfriend.  I'm not going to say whether...
 
In our twenties, she started calling me up to visit her with various boyfriends.  I was always cool with that and had some of the best times of my life hanging out in the Palm Desert or even in Studio City and meeting guys that were into sound recording.  In the best of times we were all friends and did many fun things together.
 
One time I drove up to Los Angeles to meet her.  Her boyfriend seemed nice enough.  After a nice afternoon, we all settled in to fall asleep.  I was in the living room of an apartment. 
 
Through the wall, I heard angry words.  Mind you, anyone who would be mean to this child would automatically be off-base.  She was a veteran of a hundred romantic tristes.  She was one of the sweetest and easiest people to get along with that ever existed.  She was a prize for any man.
 
Not only did I hear the angry words.  I heard him hit her for at least five minutes.  I heard her cry.  Why didn't I kick the door in and confront this abuser?  Well, they settled down and went to sleep pretty quickly.
 
The point of this post is that I had enough sway over this woman that she took my advice.  I told her in no uncertain terms that the only thing she could do was to flee this monster as fast as she could and get away.  I felt like a real-life Dear Abby.  She took my advice and never suffered any further abuse.  If I never did anything else worthwhile in my life, I helped this woman that I still dream about from time to time.
 
Debbie came home to San Diego that same week.  She pulled together her network of friends to escape this abuser.  I never knew exactly how she did it, I only had the comfort of knowing that she trusted me enough to take my advice and in so doing escaped this abuser.
 
(Comment edited by request)
Bill H. Added Feb 14, 2018 - 10:52pm
Mike, How fast is your Corvette?
wsucram15 Added Feb 15, 2018 - 12:29am
Dave..not even the same thing.  That is rejection..you will get over it..the other is long lasting and affects you for years, in some cases it kills you.  BIG DiFFERENCE.
wsucram15 Added Feb 15, 2018 - 12:32am
Mike..I didnt write this about Trump, shut up. 
Seriously.  Shut up.  You are thick in the head oved that man.  This article was prompted by a news story I saw on the news, nothing more. What the hell is wrong with you?
Im sorry..Im going to delete it.  Comment my article, dont talk the left or right.  Talk about Domestic Abuse.
wsucram15 Added Feb 15, 2018 - 12:35am
Aww FJ..that is a tough one.  its good you were able to be there.
opher goodwin Added Feb 15, 2018 - 3:57am
FJ - that is quite a tale. I've known a few abusive men. They are obnoxious beasts with something wrong.
wsucram15 Added Feb 15, 2018 - 7:34am
Opher..Im not sure thats true.  I have met some abusers and they have real issues, (were abused themselves, fighting back..etc)  In some cases it just requires a desire not to hurt others to move forward.  Its not encouraged by society unless a judge orders it and then its not enough. 
Dont think I havent tried to understand..I have for years. Its one of the things you try to figure out..its not like you say why me? Its more like you say..what is it about me that makes them hurt me?
Hence the comment I got on here and what pushed this article forward.  I know better now.
Bill Added Feb 15, 2018 - 8:05am
wsu,
Plain and simple, domestic abuse is wrong, regardless of the statistics. But I think there may be a large fallacy with blaming the male gender for its root causes.
 
Any type of physical violent act, in any situation (domestic or otherwise), be it assault, rape, murder, etc. has at its true core one universal constant, and it always has: poverty.
 
Show me a area where poverty is prevalent, and cross reference it with incidents of violence: it's horrific. Show me an area of wealth and prominence, and reference it with incidents of violence: it's almost non-existent. 
 
This model isn't just for the US either, take the whole world into account: anywhere there is a major problem with poverty, there is a major problem with violence of all types.
 
wsucram15 Added Feb 15, 2018 - 9:43am
Bill..I dont think I excluded men, in fact I have had experience with men who were abused in various ways, but mostly emotional.
 
I disagree with you vehemently on that and I am an advocate of poverty being a huge driver for many types of crime. Although I will concede that certain minorities have a higher percentage of rape that white women.  I do believe that is because of lack of reporting and lack of police response. the two go hand in hand.
 
But not abuse or rape as an income driven crime, except perhaps the amount of justice bought.   Those are crimes of control and happen as often in wealthy households as in poor ones. I dont think those types of illnesses and drivers have a below poverty income guideline.
It seems to me you have a very condescending attitude towards poor people and that bothers me.  Although I have had some rough times, and had to do without, I was NEVER injured during those times.  It was actually when I was married VERY well or within the confines of a wealthy family.
 
As far as world stats..write an article about it, I encourage that.
I wrote this from my perspective as to what I have experienced.  Not the world. You completely missed the point of my article.
 
opher goodwin Added Feb 15, 2018 - 9:44am
Jeanne - that is basically what I meant. I have seen it with a lot of students. A lot of victims of abuse become abusers; a lot of those bullied become bullies. They are damaged by their experience. There is a lot of damage, anger and aggression locked up in their heads.
wsucram15 Added Feb 15, 2018 - 10:08am
It is.. you will see it from this kid here that just shot up the school in FL and killed 17 people including children.
You cant screw with someone like that and expect them to be ok, some people just dont snap back. 
But others deal with things differently...the aggression might be there but in opposition of the violence.  I wish I could explain it. 
But it is a misconception that everyone that was abused is a bully or abuser.
I wrote a book about it, but it was very personal and my family didnt want me to put it out. 
 
George N Romey Added Feb 15, 2018 - 11:26am
Jeanne I think the Internet is turning these damaged kids into cold stone killers. It started with Columbine in 1999 and just continues. In our day those same damaged kids were there but there wasn’t the hate and violence being spewed worldwide egging them on to act on their feelings. Also have you listened to the rap music they constantly play? It’s full of violence particularly against women.
 
Most of these mass shootings including this one have been in stable upscale areas.  Our “nice neighborhoods” are turning into ghettos.
opher goodwin Added Feb 15, 2018 - 12:11pm
Jeanne - I wasn't intending to suggest that all abused or bullied people end up as abusers or bullies. I'm sorry if that is what came across. It comes out in different ways with different people. Some cope better than others; some sublimate, some displace, some focus.
That book would be interesting I'm sure.
BTW that Banksy is brilliant.
opher goodwin Added Feb 15, 2018 - 12:12pm
George - there must be a way to stop disturbed or dangerous individuals purchasing assault rifles? America is becoming really scary.
Dave Volek Added Feb 15, 2018 - 12:13pm
Jeanne
 
Regarding the domestic abuse vs. sexual harassment: I think there similarities but different shades of grey.
 
When an advance is made and rejected--and the two people are still associating with each other, that advance often creates a certain friction between the two. If it can be so easily dismissed, then there is no reason for the metoo campaign.
 
Bill
Statistically speaking, poverty does bring out more social issues than the middle class or higher strata. But we should be careful in saying that all people in poverty are prone to these issues and wealthy people are not. 
 
My best anecdote of domestic abuse is a high-powered lawyer pushing his wife through the drywall of their expensive house. After 11 years of abuse, she filed for divorce. The police would not charge this man as he knew the ins and outs of the legal system and had good powerful friends. The wife got a pretty good settlement, but the lawyer still got to practice law and make lots of money.
 
 
 
Bill Added Feb 15, 2018 - 1:48pm
wsu/Dave,
I wasn't blaming violent crime on the poor. What I'm saying is that the root cause is poverty, the answer would be for us to do better to eradicate the situation of poverty, not to blame or eradicate the actual poor people. I hate what poverty does to people, and we should work to make a world without any. I apologize if I didn't make that clear.
 
There is A TON of evidence that shows the very close correlation between poverty and violent crime, and it doesn't really matter what country you're even talking about.
 
Here is some US data, showing the poor to have more than double the rate of victimization:
 
US poverty and crime
 
Here is some UN data showing roughly the same thing:
 
UN crime and poverty
 
 
George N Romey Added Feb 15, 2018 - 1:56pm
The ease of getting assault weapons that are designed for maximum kill is the other equation in the problem. When we were young that kind of hardware wasn’t available. At most a kid would show up with a 22.
 
I doubt anything will get solved until we have a killing spree that rivals the numbers killed on 9-11.
Mike Haluska Added Feb 15, 2018 - 8:37pm
Rather than debating whether we need more gun regulations, don't we all think that safest solution is to have armed security at all schools?  The "No Gun Zone" nonsense is simply an advertisement that the building is defenseless against nutjobs.   
Dave Volek Added Feb 15, 2018 - 10:13pm
But Mike
 
Hiring armed security would involve more civil servants and taxes would go up.
Flying Junior Added Feb 16, 2018 - 2:52pm
That's what Rusty said.  But it sounded scarier when he said it like he really knew how to kill people.
 
Riley Brown.  Captain of the Writer Beat He-man Woman-haters club.
Bill Added Feb 16, 2018 - 3:04pm
This post was supposed to be about domestic violence, how did it become about gun rights?
mark henry smith Added Feb 16, 2018 - 3:44pm
As in all conflict zones, people in abusive relationships are not there for only one reason. Some are there to kill. Some are there because they got drafted. Some live there.
 
Sometimes we should accept abuse. I know that goes against all of the current thinking, but we're creatures who constantly do cost-benefit analysis and sometimes the abusive behavior is worth the costs. Should I give up my nice life because somebody has some issues? Abuse doesn't happen for only one reason. Maybe they're going through a phase. We can like people and hate aspects of their behavior. We can think we're tough enough to handle anything and some of us are.
 
Cost-benefit analysis of relationships changes everyday based on what factors enter into our lives. As a society we're doing it right now. Is unfettered gun ownership worth the cost of the abuse it causes? To some the answer is obviously no. To others the answer is obviously yes. I don't think there's an answer on guns with there already being more than one per person in the country. I think we can only change the ammo. Rubber bullets.
 
In abuse, I've read that rape is not always about power. Sometimes it really is about sex, but how you can have forced sex without exerting power appears impossible. I would argue that we have all been abused in one way or another in our lives to varying degrees and that we all have the potential to be abusive. When do not engage in abuse, it is a choice we make, a choice made based on personal values of dignity and respect, and some of us who have been through long lives in abusive families will never subject anyone to what we endured just knowing how it made us feel or allow such behavior in our presence. That's a choice of empathy.
 
But we live in a country where empathy appears to be under attack as much as restraint. I never acted out physically against my abusers, but I spent long periods planning out elaborate revenge scenarios. That's part of my reason for writing. But it wasn't until recently, when the anger left me, that I realized there are better ways to spend my time, and better ways to write. Thanks Jeanne.      
wsucram15 Added Feb 16, 2018 - 11:32pm
oooooo..this got good while I was away.
Bill..saw your numbers, cool white poor people had the highest rate of domestic abuse.
Men rape for power or control..they beat for control.  I dont care how much money they had..you would not either had you been on the other end of either one of those acts.
Im sure it is a part of it..but I wrote an article from MY perspective on Domestic Abuse and instead you made this a debate over numbers.  Stop and try to sympathize with women.   Jeeze..
wsucram15 Added Feb 16, 2018 - 11:35pm
Dave..Domestic Abuse is physical and emotional.  Sexual harassment does not need to be, but often is.  Rape is NOT sexual harassment, it is sexual assault, a felony.
They correlate but dont get confused, they are all separate and their own issues.
wsucram15 Added Feb 16, 2018 - 11:37pm
Rily..you really are stupid and know nothing about women or the issues of life.
wsucram15 Added Feb 16, 2018 - 11:41pm
Guys..this is supposed to be about domestic abuse. I should not have said anything about the kids in FL.
I just used the killer as an example for something.
NO, GUNS IN SCHOOLS ARE NEVER AN OPTION. EVER.  NOW THIS COMES FROM A GUN OWNER.   Enough about that..though. write an article on the topic.
 
 
wsucram15 Added Feb 16, 2018 - 11:49pm
MHS..rape has a sexual component, sick and twisted, but yeah theres that. However, its about control and/or power over that person.
I would never have said yes and he knew that, he told me.  He was my BF's best friend and I was 16.  I was beat damn near senseless with the gun he had on him.  I was covered in blood when I got to Lawsons (like a 7-11) and they let me make a call.  The nightmare began then...
From the people I have seen and had the privilege to deal with, its not about passion, love, sex, whatever...
But you think what you like.
wsucram15 Added Feb 16, 2018 - 11:55pm
The people that keep arguing this stuff..should stop. Look up the data.  I would tell you to speak to abused women, but most men cant get to them..their locations are hidden and secured.
Im speaking about it because it is and has been for decades an issue, things are strange for you maybe a little this year and it will get worse.  You have to begin to TRY to understand women a little better and stop looking at things from your own perspective.
 
I have a much different article I would like to post..lets move on.
mark henry smith Added Feb 17, 2018 - 1:17pm
Jeanne, all I'm saying is there at varying levels of abuse. And it is about twisted thinking in terms of passion, love, sex, control, ego, responsibility.
Mike Haluska Added Feb 18, 2018 - 4:35pm
Flying JR - your statement:
"but that more likely some maniac would suggest armed guards at every school and playground."
 
is about as stupid a statement as I have read on this website.  Hell, with that "logic" let's get rid of all armed security everywhere and see how that works out?
 
Have you noticed that ALL of these attacks take place at liberal-inspired "NO GUN ZONES"???  Have you noticed that nobody tries to sneak into Fort Knox to cause trouble?
 
What is "moronic" is people like you that want to "legislate morality", expect criminals to obey gun regulations, want to disarm decent people so they are helpless against criminals and then set up "Sanctuary Cities" so that law enforcement can't touch them!!!
 
wsucram15 Added Feb 18, 2018 - 8:59pm
Mike:
I dont want to have this discussion on here. but like I have asked you so many times, stop yelling in ALL CAPS ..in bold print. As a gun owner I agree that arming everyone is NOT the answer. We are not at war..  owning a gun is voluntary.  Legislation needs to curb some things to protect those that chose not to own guns.  The way you have stated it, WE MUST BE A CONTINUED STATE OF ARMAMENT AGAINST "ANYONE WE PRESUME TO CAUSE HARM"?
Why should people be forced to have guns and why cant responsible gun owners agree that some people should not own guns?  Because they should not.
This is another thing we are at some point going to be forced to be sit at a table about. Scream all you want..over the years a longtime gun ownership has always been grandfathered in any legislation,  at no time have they lost rights.
But lots of people are dead due to irresponsibility with guns, legislatively, ownership..whatever.
Its time to stop some ppl from access to guns and create a registry.
wsucram15 Added Feb 18, 2018 - 9:00pm
No more gun talk..this is a domestic abuse thread..comment other threads.
wsucram15 Added Feb 18, 2018 - 9:00pm
MHS..I misunderstood..
mark henry smith Added Feb 19, 2018 - 1:18pm
Apology accepted. I wrote a poem this morning on this topic, woke up with it in my head, Ritual Scarring and Me Too. I recorded it for my followers wearing a mask. It's a powerful statement, I think. I would protect anybody I saw being abused, but what I learned in my marriage was that until you're mature enough to comprehend the dynamic being played out and your role in it, confusion can lead to anger and anger can lead to dumb decisions.
 
So many men I meet are ruled by their anger, but they call it assertiveness. I called my anger, love. Honey, I'm trying to make you do what I want you to do because I love you and I know it will be better for you. Does that sound familiar?
 
Took me ages to figure out where that came from and how to rid myself of that blight. I'm not a violent person at all, but I could be abusive sexually, not respectful, and very cleverly mean psychologically, like all my siblings. I just feel so good now, so happy, so free, it's kinda scary, like weird.   
wsucram15 Added Feb 19, 2018 - 1:29pm
Yes MHS..and thats a good step..I know you are also not exempt from this type of abuse as I do read your writing. So to admit your anger is something i had to do to indeed move forward, the next step is to write about it (for you-personal) and then forgive yourself.  The big one is forgiving others.
Anger and resentment hurt you..not them. It is the most freeing thing you will ever do...
 
Mike Haluska Added Feb 19, 2018 - 3:22pm
wsucram -
 
I never said "to arm everyone"- which is the knee jerk response I get far too frequently.  I stated to put armed professionals trained in schools as a deterrent to these half-wit teenage cowards who only attack people in "Gun Free Zones".  You may have noticed that places that are protected by armed guards are seldom attacked by frustrated teenagers.  And hardened criminals are not interested in attacking schools because there is no profit in it!
 
As far as "access and registry" we have libraries full of gun regulations already - especially in big cities - how well is that working out?  You can't put toothpaste back in the tube, and criminals will not register, purchase, use or trade weapons by legal means.  The only sure way to discourage attacks on schools is to provide a strong disincentive - armed security trained to repel such attacks.
wsucram15 Added Feb 19, 2018 - 5:32pm
Mike
Kids should not be exposed IF their families dont want them to be. That is forcing a military mentality upon people who dont want it. I dont believe some cops are responsible with guns..they either dont use it or panic. Like most NORMAL humans would.
Gun owners are going to have to negotiate this topic, at some point..collecting dangerous toys that could be used in the incorrect way (ie: weapons of war) isnt a tactic anymore. You have younger "voting" generations that dont want it at all. OR just concede to no  future sales of semi automatic rifles. At some point, ypu are going to have to give them something.
It would be better to concede to a background check, no one with any felony or mental illness can own a gun, give back the monies Trump took from the budget for this process and increase it to create a central registry.
That MIGHT GET people to leave the guys alone. You have to update the by hand pieces of paper registry to data bases so when these things do come in they can be flagged.  Instead of a damn paper trail.
Some concession is better than nothing.
NO you have 7 states with bans, and 14 states in which require registration of a gun.  The rest require nothing except a permit as of 2016. NOW IT IS ESTIMATED ONLY 12 - 18 % PER STATE OF THE 310 MILLION GUNS IN THE U.S. ARE REGISTERED.  Mine is, I live where it is required. As a responsible gun owner I am fine with that.

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