The Deceived

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Deceived Typeset

By E. C. Fisher



In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. When he created humans, the angel Lucifer despised what God had done. He rebelled and was tossed out of Heaven. Lucifer revolted, a war ensued, and the devil won. Lucifer wrote the Bible in order to sucker humans into worshiping him. Revelation is upon the Earth and Lucifer is planning on HIS heaven on earth.

God wasn’t completely vanquished. He was reborn into Michael and returns to Earth to put a stop to Lucifer’s plans. With a team of children and young adults, Michael sets out to regain God’s former glory.

Okay, I promise not to delve into theology or Christianity. This is a fictional story, so just go with it on that basis.

I don’t have any major problems with the plot other than how it played out but I’ll get into more problems starting with the next section.


Amendial: angel. In human form he is black, 35, bald, light brown eyes

Lucifer: angel

Michael: angel. In human form he is 23, dark brown hair, dark eyes

Ariel: angel. In human form she has olive skin, dirty blonde hair, blue eyes.

Judith Summersill: fit, dyed blonde, amber eyes, freckles, 21

There are other characters: Drew, Thomas, Bart, Mary…get the general idea? Many of the people Michael finds on his travels are named after the apostles…from a Bible that was filled with a lot of lies according to this story.

My biggest concern here is Michael. I couldn’t get a solid grasp on him. He is reborn with God’s spirit, but is still Michael, but has Jesus tendencies (which is strange because Jesus was a lie created by Lucifer). Plus, he went through character swings acting majestically in one scene and motherly in another and almost juvenile in others. His character didn’t stay consistent.


The kids all sounded alike. Michael and Lucifer had the best voices but Michael ends up speaking like the kids at times.

The dialogue tended to take away from the seriousness of the situation. After a big battle, the kids are joking around.


A LOT of run-on sentences. A lot of run on tag lines: …” Michael said and then he does a whole bunch of action before the period. This became tiresome to read.

Speaking of action there were too many instances of something causing something else. Example: She met Drew’s eyes, causing her own cheeks to turn crimson. Causing was over used and the sentences could have been written stronger.

The biggest problem is weak, overwriting. Extraneous material and detail where it’s not necessary.

Example: He hit her right cheek with his left hand.

Example: …he saw that a young boy was trying to escape from two grown men who were giving chase after him.

Example: …gesturing with his fork in one hand.

This is constant and it made for a difficult read.

Action scenes weren’t dramatic. In fact, after the first couple of battles with demons, the encounters became redundant and not exciting.

Other problems:

– Michael discovers an underground bunker that is one of many around the country where people are living after the world went chaotic after the rapture. People don’t go outside for fear of being attacked by demons. They’ve been living this way for years…yet there doesn’t seem to be a food shortage for so many people. The stockpiles must be enormous and there doesn’t seem to be any rationing. They have eggs and muffins and bacon and stew. Doesn’t seem quite plausible.

– There are rules and the military handles problems…yet when Michael heads out for his quest to find the Antichrist he takes a bunch of kids with him? Including the mayor’s daughter?(okay she’s 21, but still). With something that important I would think some capable adults would be willing and volunteering to go and fight.

– It became a bit juvenile that to defeat a demon they used water. So what better weapon than a Supersoaker?

– One of the premises is that when one dies, the soul goes to the River to be either reborn as something or someone else on Earth or the person can decide to enter Heaven. That’s fine. However, God, the creator of everything is able to…die? And then be reborn? Again, the concept doesn’t seem quite plausible.

– The ending was a bit different than I thought. Very lofty and poetic and glorious but the final battle with Lucifer was not tense enough.

No profanity. No spelling/punctuation/misspelled words. Because of that, I can’t drop it down to White. However, because of the weak writing and some of the issues I have with this I felt this deserved:

Orange Belt