Bleeding Cross

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By Aaron Dawbot

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https://www.amazon.com/Bleeding-Cross-Chronicles-Episode-Thomas-ebook/dp/B0741PCF5N/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1505351809&sr=8-1&keywords=bleeding+cross

Plot

Some evil things are happening to the residents of an elderly care facility. Heinous murders that leave mutilated corpses. Thomas Arsen and his team of demon hunters are on the scene. Can they stop the evil from spreading?

Okay, this is another one where the blurb was better than what it portended. This story and book has a plethora of problems and some I don’t think I can adequately explain, but I’ll try.

Characters

Thomas Arsen: demon hunter, apparently immortal (he’s been around for a few hundred years), sister dead, black hair, green eyes.

Lonnie Blake: oily hair, tall, mustache and the start of a beard, demon hunter

Fitz: black, hazel eyes, short hair, teenager, demon hunter

Okay. There are some other characters in this book, but scant details about everyone. I know that Thomas has scars.

There’s no history of these characters. Who/what is Thomas? How did he get those scars? How is it that he’s lived for hundreds of years? Where did he come from? How did he, Lonnie and Fitz get together? Thomas and Lonnie tend to argue a lot about the past, but nothing is explained. Apparently, Thomas’ sister was horribly killed but nothing is explained.

Fitz’s nickname is Baby Shark which isn’t explained and doesn’t seem to work for me.

There was a new character brought in at the end who made no sense because she wasn’t mentioned before, but Thomas knows her and then she’s gone.

Too many unanswered questions about these people.

Dialogue

The demon hunters try to joke around while fighting the baddies but it doesn’t work. Capitals for the shouting instead of italics. A lot of tag lines that aren’t real tag lines. Lonnie may have had his own voice, I suppose.

Writing

Very weak writing throughout.

Loads of tense problems. Present and past tense thrown in willy-nilly. Punctuation problems.

More unanswered questions:

– We meet Thomas at the very beginning in a scene that started out pretty scary but ended in a strange almost ludicrous manner. We don’t know it’s Thomas until a couple chapters later when he is running around on fire and Lonnie and Fitz save him. They save him by dunking him in ice water. How he is magically saved isn’t explained. How he came to be on fire isn’t explained other than a story of his going to hell but that leaves more unanswered questions. Why did he go there? What did he or didn’t he accomplish?

Continuity problems:

– Fitz and Lonnie fight this demon possessed dead woman. They lay her out in the back of their van, then a couple paragraphs later, they lay her out on the ground. Then she’s back in the van (or was still there, I don’t know). Then she’s out outside on the ground attacking, but there isn’t any showing of how or when she left the van.

– Thomas’ sister’s ghost visits him (but it’s not really her) and we see her intro as she places a hand on his shoulder while he’s seated. Then, a few paragraphs later, the ghost shuffles toward him from a distance across the room. How did she get over there?

Problem: in a scene where Thomas is speaking with a nun, we discover later that he has put a some salt and iron filings around his chair. How did the nun not see him doing this? She’s surprised later by it.

A lot of ‘was’ followed by ‘ing’ words. Was shouting. Was walking. Was beginning to [do something]. This took me right out of the story.

The above is only the beginning of the hard to explain weak writing. Part of it was over writing and part was underwriting. Underwriting in the form of vagueness. “Ancient words” “Magical symbols” “Mysterious heat”. These don’t relay any details and the author skimmed right over them. Underwriting in the form of nonsensical sentences.

Overwriting:

– run-on sentences, some with to many ‘ing’ words where it would by physically impossible to to do all those actions at the same time.

Weak writing:

– The man from under the shallow depths of stirring murky water found his very last ounce of strength and managed to lift his boiled body out of the murky water.

– One of the caretakers checked on the fainted girl, only to be struck into immobilizing fear as his whole body was compromised with immeasurable terror.

– He found himself looking down a flight of stairs, a faint rancid smell came crawling up into his nostrils. He knew that it came from the basement down below.

– …a hint of subtle irritation.

This entire book is filled with these types of sentences.

Some of the descriptions were over-the-top, overwritten.

This was a short book (74 pages in my epub format), but very exasperating to read. Too many unanswered questions, the action was too complicated and much of didn’t make sense. The characters did strange things that weren’t explained or completed something without enough quality detail that I could understand.

Before I had completed the first chapter, I knew this book was going to receive a:

White Belt

White